Dialing for Angels

by Jill Kramer

Was it anger that caused an ugly growth to take up residence on my eyelid? At my wits' end, I decided to talk to a spiritual healer.

About four years ago I let anger consume me. It was a seething, festering anger directed toward a woman who had dome me wrong. The situation was complex, laced with gossip, lying and betrayal. Looking back, I realize that the events weren't that deserving of rage, but resentful thoughts swirled through my head all day long. I couldn't stand how I felt, but neither could I shake the negativity.

One morning about two weeks after my anger first surfaced, I was in my car leaving for work, silently cursing the woman I was angry with. I pulled out of my parking space and smashed my side-view mirror on a pole. It cost me $280 to replace.

During the same week, I developed a hard, round lump on my left eyelid. It was whitish-red and about the size of a pea, a real eyesore. Having a healthy amount of vanity, I was appalled by it, but I am sure that even if I saw this lump on someone else's eyelid, I would've thought it disturbing.

Although the lump didn't affect my vision, I started wearing glasses all the time instead of contact lenses. I stopped wearing eye makeup because I thought that would attract attention. When people talked to me and looked me in the eye (as people do when they talk to you), I was certain they were really staring at my lump. Sleep offered little escape; I started having dreams in which children would point and laugh at my eye. I couldn't stop these feelings because my growth had become an obsession of sorts. Even my female friends who sympathized with my anguish failed to comfort me.

I pored over medical books and diagnosed my bump as a chalazion, a painless swelling on the edge of the eyelid caused by a blocked lubrication gland. I read that small chalazions often disappear on their own within several weeks, larger ones do not. Then I turned to alternative healing books, a couple of which pointed to a possible cause for my growth; unresolved, unreleased anger. I decided to ignore the possibility that my emotions had triggered my condition, even though I work for a publisher whose many books on body-mind healing offer impressive evidence that the mind has a role in causing sickness and healing it. Instead, I chose the easy solutions and made an appointment with my eye doctor.

A busy, impatient man, he confirmed my layman's diagnosis and brusquely told me he could easily remove the lump by injecting anesthetic, flipping my eyelid back, and puncturing the chalazion. Being someone known to faint during a blood test, I almost blacked out as he described the procedure. I said, ?That's unacceptable.? He then said I could apply some warm compresses, which would offer a 40% chance of it going away.

Perhaps if my doctor had said 60% instead of 40, my body and mind would have cooperated with the treatment. But 40% told me this was a losing battle. Nevertheless, I applied the compresses morning and night for weeks. But not only did the chalazion not diminish in size, it actually looked like it was getting bigger. I found myself staring at other people's eyes, envying their unblemished lids. I thought about getting one of those big black eye patches. I finally stopped applying compresses, but I never stopped hoping it would go away by itself.

Ten months later the chalazion was still firmly in place. A coworker suggested I contact Renée Swisko, a spiritual healer from Marina del Rey, Calif. Swisko has helped people with what she calls her clairvoyant, direct link with "spirit," a powerful life-giving force. Using a hands-off technique and calling on spiritual forces such as angels, she works to clear blocks from the body's energy field and to release harmful memories, including those from prenatal and past-life experiences. Once these are removed, Swisko syas, emotional and physical well-being are possible. I was fascinated by her work but also suspicious of it -- especially since she worked over the phone for long-distance clients. Nonetheless, I made an appointment; she told me our session would last about two hours.

With my cordless phone in hand on a Wednesday evening, I followed Swisko's directions to lie down on my sofa and make myself comfortable. She asked me for the names, ages and personality traits of anyone toward whom I felt a lingering anger--whether a grade-school classmate or old boyfriend. I could instantly pinpoint about five people, most notably the woman who had inspired my recent fury. Then Swisko had me rate the degree of anger I felt twoard each person -- zero being a feeling of peace and 10 being the strongest negative feelings. I gave the woman in question an eight. In each case Swisko asked for details of the incidents that had inspired my acrimony.

When I finished my recounting, which took about 30 minutes, Swisko invoked spiritual forces--including Emmanuel (considered an ascended teacher) and my own spirit guides and angels--asking them to lift me to a state of pure, positive energy. At this point, when I was feeling very mellow, she had me focus my attention on areas of stress in my life -- anything from a relationship challenge to money problems -- and on the people on my "anger list." Using her notes, she led me to examine each issue and person, one at a time. For each, she asked my guides and angels to help me "be willing to release into the light all negative energy attachments"; this was followed by a few minutes of silence while the work was being done. At certain points, Swisko asked if I felt energy moving through me. To be honest, I didn't feel much on a physical level -- only an occasional tremble -- but I did notice a growing sense of lightness and peace.

After about an hour and a half she had me compare my initial ratings toward each person on my list to how I now felt. I had to admit I felt completely neutral to all of them, including the woman I had been so angry at. After some beautifully uplifting closing statements -- thanking my angels and so on -- Swisko ended the session. Telling me she had seen a lot of anger and resentment being pulled out of me, she wished me well and said goodbye.

I immediately called my friend Christy and told her what happened. We were both skeptical, wondering if the session had simply been an exercise in relaxation. I went to bed shortly afterward.

The next morning I awoke unusually early, walked into the bathroom, and took a look at myself in the mirror. I gaped in disbelief. The chalazion was less than half its original size. I screamed with delight. When I got to work, my co-workers were astonished that it had shrunk. The following day, the lump was completely gone.

Quite a number of my friends downplayed the whole incident, insisting it had been only a coincidence. I resisted my own temptation to agree with them, partly because I thought my skepticism would tell my boyd that the healing hadn't really happened, which would encourage the lump to reappear. I also didn't really believe it had been a coincidence; in fact, it seemed clear to me that if my doctor had excised the lump it could have returned because we wouldn've neglected the root cause.

That was three years ago. The chalazion has not returned, nor have any angry thoughts about the woman I was mad at. What has arrived was a firmer belief that my thoughts and feelings--and the words of others (such as my eye doctor's unhopeful "40 percent chance") -- do affect my mind and body. Deep inside, I have always believed in our power to heal ourselves. But it sure didn't hurt to get some visible corroboration of that power.